A Brief World Cup Final Preview

The World Cup final is upon us. A gruelling four year journey for many nations around the globe is now down to two. On one side is France. The pre-tournament favourites have lived up to the hype taking all before them on the path to what appears certain glory. Standing in their way are the perennial underdogs, Croatia, a tiny footballing nation that has continually overcome the odds to secure their first ever final appearance.

As detailed by Oliver Murray in the lead up to the semi-final Australian fans have many reasons to support the underdog, and that is before considering their opponent.

I think I speak for everyone when I say ‘fuck the French’. I’ve never met a person who doesn’t hate the French, and rightly so. The French may disagree but their opinions can and should be discounted.

With that said, I would like to take this opportunity to offer some friendly advice to our Croatian brothers – a secret weapon, if you will, that may allow their unexpected success to continue for just one more vital match.

Throughout the tournament, the French have demonstrated a blatant disregard for fair play with a diving display worthy of straight 10s, even from the local Russian judge, and I think Croatia may be able to exploit this pathological need of the French to hit the deck like they’ve been shot despite no shot ever being fired.

Perhaps if Croatia turn up in German uniforms, the French will simply surrender out of habit.

Croatia can secure their first ever World Cup, the rest of the world can join the celebrations and the frogs can hop off and eat some snails.

And in the immortal words of mayor Quimby, ‘I stand by my ethnic slur! Do your worst, you filthy pretentious savages!’


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